How much crap am I willing to take? (no.11)

Post #11

Nestled up on my cozy front porch, listening to my friend Josh, share his struggles with the current events in Ukraine. He was unpacking a bit of the shame about what it means to be Russian right now.

I noticed a mid 30’s Hispanic man in the middle of my front yard letting his large black designer dog take a dump right near my front porch, where we walk and where my young daughter plays.

This is not an unfamiliar site. On the regular, I’m picking up other people’s dog crap. Very large dog crap, most people try and hide, or they do this on the edges of our lawn, this guy was intentional.

He deliberately chose to walk right past our L.O.V.E. fence border—which was created for this very reason, stepped over the multiple plant barriers so his $3000 popular purebred could relieve himself right near the sign reading “kids at play, please no poop or pee.”

Trying to not disrupt my zoom call, with a smile, I whispered “excuse me sir” I couldn’t even get the words out before he shot up yelling “what do you want from me?” 

I continued smiling, “my daughter plays on this lawn”.

He wasn’t listening, it was clear, I caught this man on the wrong day-- he kept repeating his words as he came at me in anger. Intimidation would be his methodology.

I stood up and said, “I’d like you to take your dog somewhere else to shit.”

“What do you want me to do, this is where he wants to go. Besides this grass belongs to the city.”

Uh, my front yard? I don’t think so, I thought.

“I know the people who own these bungalows, you’re just a renter. I can go where ever I want.”

Then for good measure he added “you fat bitch”.

And there it was.

The phrase I’d be dreading for years ever since I put on some weight after my daughter was born, I’d been waiting for someone to lobby this punch at me in the heat of the moment. 

Now I walked towards him, “get off my property now, you are not welcome here.”

Then he picked up his dog’s shit and threw it at me.

Sadly, forgetting all about my friend Josh and our group on the zoom call.

In a fluster, I went inside to grab my phone to grab a picture. 

By this time, he was on the other end of the street, yet I could clearly hear him retelling the incident to some folks in a black Audi.

Bragging he laughed “then I said you fat bitch and I threw the shit at her… ha ha ha” clearly proud of his recent actions.

The people in the car must’ve told him I was there, out of his eyeline. Now he was coming straight for me, continuing the verbal and physical intimidation. 

“HA! Oh look you pissed yourself” referring to the design of my Lululemon yoga pants.

First body shaming and attire shaming, Venice feels like we took a flash back to the 80’s.

Have we learned nothing since middle school? He was grasping at anything to make me feel bad.

As the only girl with 4 brothers, it’s gona take a lot more than that to intimidate me.

Surprising, even to me, his words had no impact, they sort of made me feel sorry for him.

What sort of guy needs to body shame and insult a woman’s pants? What must be going on in his world right now for him to behave this way?

As we continue to walk on separate sides of the street:

him berating and yelling profanities at me.

Me doing deep breathing trying to get my wits about me.

I take a long deep-breathe and say “I’m really sorry you are having a tough day.” 

He immediate shoots back, “yeah thanks to you, you ruined it”

With sincerity I respond, “why would you give your power away?”

And with that I realized, why was I giving my power away to this guy?
Maybe it’s the 13 years of cleaning up other’s dog shit from my lawn that finally got me?

Perhaps it’s feeling utterly powerless and heartbroken by the war in Ukraine?

Or maybe because this the second attack by a random guy in a town I love, in the past week.

And I no longer feel safe in my own home.

Popular opinion might say “Tasha just keep your head down and don’t say anything.”

But then I wouldn’t be me.

I would be some watered-down version of me trying to go along to get along and I know exact where those tactics landed me.  Feeling invisible.

I will never be silenced again.

Not at any cost.