Holding space (no.10)

Post #10

Empathy is simply listening. Holding space, without judgment, emotionally connecting and communicating that incredibly healing message of “you’re not alone”.

- Brene’ Brown

Empathy can happen at any moment. There need not be an invitation, it is yours for the taking. A disagreement, a snide remark, a hurtful text.

But what does holding space really mean?

How does one hold space for another.

I first experienced what it was like to be truly held with my doula when I gave birth to my daughter. She held this container for everything that came up those five long days.  Like a bucket might hold water but more expansive, like my belly or the birth canal, flexible.  (it is child birth)

She created a container of possibility, having a safe place for all my feelings to land without judgement. 

I was transformed in the process to becoming a mother. And in turn, how to mother. And now that I’ve had it modeled, I go into the world with the intention to hold space for others. I start with the self, how I hold my own big feelings, then I work outward, my daughter, my mother, my friends, my team, my community, my culture, my world.

And I’ve learned when the container is strong and solid, things can heat up and be named, our differences are safe to be truly expressed.  When we enter into holding space, it builds trust in why were brought together, there is a wish to inquire together that drives us stronger than any differing views. People feel safe to show up authentically, be seen, be heard, be vulnerable and be held.

When I find myself in struggle, I become aware I need to expand, so I can be larger and hold other people, hold the suffering and the joy and all the range of emotions.

And now, I have found this container holds me even when I find others can not. In this strong, flexible container, I can be with my own discontent and not feel the need to escape into any external factors.  This container is a coming home to my own soul. I see all my faults without criticism. I can see myself as a friend might see me, with loving kindness.

In holding space, time slows down, I become less reactive, I find I can see into someone’s core being, beyond their ego protecting and into their essence.   This container is expansive and allows for breathe. It allows our whole being to come alive.

What’s it like for you to hold space for another?

And what’s it like to be held?