Something happened at my daughter’s school. She attends a very small, incredibly diverse, social justice progressive k-12.

“I call it the death spiral” she confessed. My dear friend & I lay in the dark approaching midnight as we chat in our Ojai hotel room beds, as I tell her about my life recently.

“We don’t value people based on looks.”

That’s the mantra I repeat to my daughter. It’s likely a case of do what I say, not what I do.

If you have kids, think about how many times a day you might use or hear the phrase “good job”. It’s everywhere.

This proverbial doggy biscuit systematically and succinctly lobbed at our children, small and large, training them to go outward for validation for their work.

“Twinkies are evil!” My friend Andrea declared, as we sat in the serene outdoor Ojai café on a gorgeous spring afternoon. She invited me along for some much needed mama time. She trained in breathe-work in the mornings and we explored this sleepy mountain town in the afternoons.

I have four brothers, three living.

My parents second born, William Todd, came into this world with a hole in his heart.

He lived three days then died.

Nestled up on my cozy front porch, listening to my friend Josh, share his struggles with the current events in Ukraine. He was unpacking a bit of the shame about what it means to be Russian right now.

Empathy can happen at any moment. There need not be an invitation, it is yours for the taking. A disagreement, a snide remark, a hurtful text.

Even though my daughter is back in the classroom after 11 months of remote learning, where she did anything but thrive, I’m hearing these words “mama, I’m sad and I don’t know why”.

Does that title rattle you, maybe just a bit?

If you are anything like me, it does.

Women are not supposed to declare their own beauty, we are supposed to wait til others bestow it upon us.

Excuse me while I cough up a big pile of “Bullshit”.

A wise person, whose feedback, I very much appreciate noticed that some of my writing has been “calmer, more graceful, and still exude generosity. And other writing seems angrier, and more forceful.”

Terranea Resort. This place. While only an hour from Venice, feels like a world away. As if I’ve stepped into paradise, not only the stunning breathtaking views but how each person we come into contact with holds us with such thoughtful care.

My mom was in town for my daughter’s birthday a couple years back. M. and I had been separated for a while at this point. We decided to all go out to dinner.

John is one of the most upstanding humans I know.

A crazy talented musician, artist, photographer, composer, being. Caring, smart, earnest, diligent and funny as hell.

“So what do you think of when you see an Asian person?”

Good girls don’t swear.

Smart girls don’t swear.

A lady never curses.

I want to speak and I'm afraid to speak. I dying to write and I'm terrified to write. There is so much bottled up, numbing, scrolling, watching--anything but feel, seems far more manageable than unleashing the volcano of emotions waiting to